Monday, March 11, 2013



     I always wanted to be perfect. I struggled to try to get the best grades. I struggled to produce the best projects in school. I wanted to be "popular" and well thought of by others. I was polite and attentive. I tried sports until I realized that I wasn't going to excel in team endeavors and switched to marital arts. I always wanted to be the "best" drummer and singer. When I went to college I just "had" to have a 4.0 average or die. I wanted to be thin and "good looking." I wanted to be the best employee and do the best job. If I partied I wanted to be the most outrageous and outside the box individual at the party.

This party animal persona led to:
1. Me being known not as perfect but crazy and dangerous.
2. A few stays in rehab and the occasional psychiatric ward.
3. An enlightenment concerning perfection.

     Let's look at number three. My so called "wanting to be perfect" was little more than a shallow cover up for trying to manipulate other peoples, judgments, opinions, and beliefs about me. That's it. It doesn't get any deeper than that. For a long time I really tried to convince myself that I was very "special" because I wanted to do everything perfectly. What a load of crap that was. What I really wanted was for other people to notice me and judge me as perfect.

     My search for perfection example. I was very overweight at one point in my life. I was also very depressed because I felt I had to be thin. I was in the entertainment industry and wanted to look like Rod Stewart. So I went on a drug and alcohol diet until I reached my goal. I also became bulimic just in case the drugs and alcohol didn't do it. I became dangerously thin and was finally hospitalized. Although I was arguing with my family because I thought I looked really good.
Perfect Right?

     (Wanting to achieve perfection can make you very vulnerable to people who detect that and use it to supposedly give you what you want, taking you for all they can in the meantime. It's called sales.)

     Here is the problem in seeking perfection.

     You already are. 

     It's like looking for the coin in your hand. You already have it. Polish or spin it anyway you want.
You can't obtain something that you already have. If your looking you are out searching for your own heart.

     You are perfect. 

     Here is why. Let's say you were out walking in the desert. While you were walking you noticed what looked like a jewel on your path. You have never seen anything like it before. You pick it up and take it to the local university to have it examined. You find out that it is a rare mineral that has never been seen before. You are told that it's a one of a kind jewel. It is priceless. Singular in the known universe.

     That is who you are. Perfect, the only one of you who will ever be. A one time event in the universe. 

     I think that is a good enough reason to stop trying to be perfect. You already are!!! And. Don't worry about adding talents and intelligence, and more unique features, and exploring new activities and being as healthy as you can. You will do that anyway. It's in your heart already. That "drive" to be perfect wasn't doing anything despite what society tells you.

     So let it go. Breathe. Focus. Find your purpose and go for it. Let some joy in. After all, your perfect. 

Next: Manipulation

Love, Bryan

No comments:

Post a Comment