Friday, April 18, 2014

Searching For a Me in Addiction and Remission.

Hi everyone.

Odd that so much of our lives can be spent in search of a "ME."
Finding yourself has always been a major theme in books, movies, and certainly on the spiritual path.
This becomes painfully apparent in remission from drugs, alcohol, behavior, food, shopping, web surfing, addictions or in fact any addiction you can name.
I think that sometimes this search is due to the fact that we have more time to examine ourselves.
I have a friend who overcame a TV addiction. She spent six hours a night watching the tube. When she stopped she suddenly crashed. Depression set in. She felt lost and without purpose. She started to question herself and it came in the form of the question "Who am I?"
There seems to be the theory that we are all a solid state "me" who has all these convictions, dedications, morals, directions, passions, and definitions.
I have never seen that. I counseled for a few decades and have simply never seen that in anyone I counseled, worked with, was friends with, or family. I have never seen that in myself. Only an impermanent state of flux.
Humans are a part of the constantly changing universe. We are not born with a solid state personality nor are we given one by society or family in our growth years.
We are changeable like everything else in this section of the universe.
Lots of times what we end up doing is to build on the concept of a "future me."
The future me will have all the attributes, meaning, and direction that I am so sure I don't have right now.
We can become obsessed with building this future me. If only I do this or that I will be happy, good looking, secure, popular, and at peace, but only at some future date.
What is the problem with this?
We give up our current now for the "future me." We forget that we are all those things that we are seeking. We know these things or we wouldn't even know what to seek. We are all the things we are seeking. Even now.
So we can change the current me but not the future one. We can be the things we want to be right now.
We are mostly what we do. In the moment we can do as an expression of what we are. The future or past me has no place for expressing what they are. It just doesn't work like that.
So be the person you want to be today.
You don't have to look for you any further than your current awareness of now.
In Loving Kindness