Monday, April 1, 2013

Addiction and approval

Hi,

   We all seem to need it and in some ways crave it. Approval. Maybe it comes under the heading as our very first addiction.

   And if you think I am wrong go look in the mirror and see how you feel. Probably at this point you are going to experience an immediate lack of "approval", via the self talk in you head. Go try it. 

   In a very real way approval is used as a training tool on us as children. If we did the "right thing" (meaning what society and/parents and peers deemed as correct reactions to a stimulus) we would be given our reward, APPROVAL.

   It's the same way you train animals.

   Now this might be OK to a certain extent. I mean up to a certain point it works and that point is making sure that small children are safe and secure. (Animals I am not so sure about.) Unfortunately it does create an early stage addiction to be approved of and therefore feel secure.

   But it doesn't stop there does it? The  addiction for approval is picked up by big business, universities, government, and anyone who can use the addiction to manipulate for profit.

   And.

   The more you are addicted to approval the more vulnerable you are to manipulation. The blog concerning the hole in the middle? The amount of focus on that hole and the way you feel about it has much to do with the amount of approval you need from your external world.

   Anxiety and depression are both driven heavily by the need for approval. The perceived need and the lack of fulfillment of the need really drive most of the anxiety and depression that we experience.

ADDICTION IS PARTIALLY DRIVEN BY A NEED FOR APPROVAL AND THE NEED FOR APPROVAL IS AN ADDICTION. WHAT A LOOP.

   Look at me! Look at me! We scream. And. If no one is looking and approving what happens?  Well, we become anxious and depressed and try to find a solution. Then we might try harder to gain that approval. Spend more time at work, try harder to be thin, join the right organizations, have the right friends, let the kids do whatever they want, accept the insults, smile, be happy, listen to the right music, and the list goes on. All for approval.

THE THING WE ARE REALLY LOOKING FOR IS:

ACCEPTANCE.

   What we really need is to be accepted. Being accepted means I don't need your artificial pressure to do what you think I need to do, or think, or say for a reward.  It means that I need for you to respect me for what I think, or do, or say.

   Society, cultures, governments, families, employers, and friends don't much like the concept of acceptance.

WHY? ACCEPTANCE FOSTERS INDEPENDENCE.

AND REMEMBER. APPROVAL ADDICTION IS A WAY OF LIFE ON THIS PLANET. VERY FEW PEOPLE ARE GOING TO RECOGNIZE THIS AND FEWER ARE GOING TO WANT TO CHANGE IT.

Here is one of the most important concepts we can learn.

IF YOU ALWAYS WANT TO BE ACCEPTED, THEN ACCEPT YOU. THEN IT IS NOT GOING TO MATTER WHAT ANYONE ELSE WANTS.

How do we know when we have our acceptance?

THE MIRROR, ON THE WALL OR IN YOUR MIND WILL REFLECT EITHER THE NEED FOR APPROVAL OR THE RELIEF OF ACCEPTANCE.

Go look in the mirror, what do you see and feel?

I would love to hear from you.

Love, Bryan