Enlightenment and Practical Meditation

Hey.

I have done a few decades worth of study concerning meditation, awareness, and enlightenment.
I absolutely love meditation and hanging out with a Sanga and/or like minded people who enjoy sitting.

There are some great benefits from having a practice.

During this period of time I have talked to more than a few people who talk about awareness and enlightenment.

A lot of this amounts to absolutely nothing.

Have you ever met anyone who is enlightened? I would like to hear from you. I would like to know exactly what "enlightened" means.

Over and over again I hear the constant commenting  that enlightened people can't seem to discuss this state using everyday language. I am told that this state is somehow beyond my or your understanding, dangerous if somehow we am not ready to take on the enormous task of being enlightened, or if I study long and hard enough and really apply myself it will happen.

Of course I won't be able to explain it to anyone. No one seems able to do this.

Despite this seemingly mysterious state people continue to argue over who is "enlightened" and who is not.

Exactly what have all the "enlightened ones done?"

We have been on this planet for thousands of years and I suppose there have been quite a few "enlightened" ones along the way.

Nothing much seems to have changed in the basics of human interactions.

I think it has become really sad that so many people have decided to be professional gurus and sell enlightenment. Of course they can sell it under any label or definition they decide on since there never has been a concise definition of enlightened.

Most of these people would refuse to say they are enlightened yet have no problem with selling the idea to as many people as possible. If they were to admit that are enlightened someone may ask them to prove it.

Most of what these professional "gurus" are selling can be had for the price of a library card and some well spent time reading.

And, it seems like I have talked to more than a few people who feel the same way I do. I think lots of people fear challenging the "system" because they fear they will be criticized or ostracized from the community they practice in. 

I think it's about time we start looking at a meditation practice as a practical devise and enjoy the benefits without all the mystical price tag that comes with the concept of enlightened.

Next time some thoughts on awareness.

In Loving Kindness
Bryan

Drug/Food addiction and being Different.

Hey.

It's been a little while.   Thank you everyone who has e-mailed me. Appreciate it.

Today I want to discuss being different.

Everyone who enters some sort of remission/recovery experiences how different they are from other people. A lot of us started using drugs and/or food addictions because we really felt different from others in the first place.

Painful but true.

As a counselor I never talked to anyone for any length of time without the subject of feeling different rising to the surface.

What if you are different due to physiological or psychological differences from others?

Good. Celebrate that.

No one on this planet has ever made a difference from the inside of the norm. Only the outsiders and people who were brave enough to celebrate being different have made a difference.

See. We need people who are not in the "box." We need people who don't see like everyone else. We need people who are brave enough to take on the task of being different.

We are different, not damaged. 

Why do we feel different? We are all somewhat alike but in reality we are all centered from our own perceptive field. In other words we are the center of our universe. And. We are somewhat isolated in that field. So we never really "know" another person. We can take our best shot at it through shared experience but that's about as good as it gets.

All this leads to a sense of isolation.

And being different.

You are the only you. As far as we know the only you that will ever exist in the entire universe. My suggestion is to celebrate that.

Now if you have already realized that and are celebrating the difference you are probably going to really feel outside. Go ahead. Keep going. No one ever explored the boundaries of society and culture without being able to put up with the feelings of being alone.

Feeling lonely is part of the price of having a perspective that no one else will ever have.

You can change the world from that position.

Thank you Heather. Be strong and keep going.

In Loving Kindness.

Bryan

Male Bulimia, Eating disorders, and Addiction

Hey.

I wanted to take a minute and address bulimia specific to males. There are probably lots of male bulimics, like me, but their voices are not being heard, or they are not voicing period.

Some of this silence may be due to the overwhelming stigma that comes from being bulimic. It does come with the "EWWW! You do what???" factor and sometimes people move away to re think the relationship. I say keep going if that's what they want.

I am bulimic not an insane serial killer. (Although there probably are insane serial killer people who are also bulimic.)

Some silence may be due to the advertising industry and programs that seem to be ignorant or just ignore the fact that bulimia is an equal opportunity addiction and simply doesn't seem to care what sex you happen to be.

Plus being bulimic seems to distort any "real man" image.

Now I have spoken with males who are bulimic in the martial arts and other sports, the movie industry, the arts in general, and the numbers are higher than most people think.

The social and cultural pressures on males to be thin and good looking are gaining ground. The advertising industry knows that first it makes you unhappy be showing and telling you that you are not "whole" and need stuff to be OK. Then they sell it to you. It's not real deep. Now they are telling males that they need to be thin, buffed, tattooed, have shiny white teeth, and the right phone, car, and edevice, if they want to be accepted.

Bulimia seems to be a shortcut to at least one of those problems.

What to do?

1. Have a little compassion for you. This may be the first step in being able to let go of the secret. Bulimics are people who have a problem, just like anyone who had a problem. Males and females develop addictions, period. And need help in re adjusting.

2. Tell someone. Secret addictions stay that way. The addicted mind will try to convince you that you just can't tell anyone. It's just to horrible. Hey, it's not. It just isn't. So share this concern about you with someone you feel you can talk to.

3. Get help. I see a doctor who specializes in food addictions. She has helped me in a lot of ways.
 I belong to a few support systems including online systems where I can chat, blog, and make new friends who are dealing with similar issues.

4. Learn as much as you can. I have a lot of books, movies, and Internet information on my addiction. Knowledge really is power when it comes to your addictions.

5. Develop a strategy concerning your remission from food addiction. Take small and well designed steps in recovery. Make the decision that you will give yourself the time to back out of the addiction the same way you got in. Slowly.

If you are a male and bulimic I would like to hear about your experience and resources.
(Females too!!!! we are all in this together.)

Be kinder to you than you think you should.

                                           "A JOURNEY IS SHORTER WHEN THE PATH IS SHARED."

                                           
                                              
In Loving Kindness,
Bryan

Compassion, Addiction, Bulimia, and Change

Hi.

Compassion.

I have spent some times in rehabs. I have spend some time working with recovering people. Lately I have been pursuing a writing path, studying mysticism, and deeper meditation practices.

Sunday I spent a few hours in dialogue with Christian mystics. And the whole concept of compassion was addressed. How we need to have compassion for people, animals, plants, and mother earth. It was really interesting stuff. And, I started to think about it. (I can't help it I think too much.)

I wonder. For a long time it has felt to me that compassion is a feeling, an emotion, and it seems that it has been regulated into an intellectual concept. We are conditioned to think compassionately instead of having compassion emotionally. It has become like a lot of the emotional structures, regulated to thinking about emotions instead of having them. It feels sad. 

Definitions of compassion seem to lean on sympathy and sorrow over an other's experiences. My definition of compassion hinges on the ability to be empathetic with others.  Empaths share the feelings of another.

OK where am I going with all this?

The hardest task I have with my emotions is having compassion for myself. Melding with my own experiences and feelings.

When I am experiencing difficult emotions, instead of being compassionate, I have a tendency to rationalize, feel sorry for myself, try to solve, change, or the worst, ignore my feelings. What about just having compassion for myself? Empathy and compassion for how I am feeling and allow my feelings to just be until they change. (And they will change, I can never hold onto a feeling without a terrific struggle internally.)

I had been slowly addressing this issue via meditation. I do divide meditation into two arenas. One is meditation itself. The other is contemplation I use both. My internal knowing of my emotional structure was initially triggered by extreme focus on the object of emotion. I spent some time motionless and focused in this arena. (I knew that thinking part was going to come in handy!!) So recently I have been very focused on compassion.

For? My sadness, for the person who's only tools were drugs, alcohol, and bulimia these as activities to resolve feelings and my joy for the person who no longer needs these activities to numb himself.

I have noticed this as a result.

A little at a time I am having more compassion, true feelings, for other people, places, and things. I becoming more "emotional" in my responses instead of thinking my way through events. I am more genuine in my feelings. 

I have found that it is so easy to think we have compassion for others, but without the experience in having compassion for ourselves what is it that we "think" we are accomplishing?  Thinking compassion is not an emotional structure.

Part of what I do is to provide workshops on spirituality, mediation, contemplation, change, and recovery in the Detroit and surrounding areas. I work with individual and groups up to 50 people. I have received lots of positive feedback concerning compassion and the result of an individual focusing on compassion for the self. It has been a positive experience and I love working with this.

If you have questions, comments, or would like to set up a workshop or individual sessions please contact me at Changingspiritbw@gmail.com and/or respond on this site.

In Loving Kindness,
and today, Lots of Joy.
Bryan

Seeking "Awareness" "Enlightenment" and the Spirituality of Food, Chemical, Social addictions.

Hey!!!

A few friends suggested this post so I thought I would explain my position on seeking that elusive state of "awareness" and it's companion "enlightenment" that so many folks are trying to achieve once they finally have some remission from food, chemical, and social addictions.

A lot of people become attracted to some of the Eastern/Western philosophies and practices post addiction. I believe there are some great benefits that come from meditative and contemplative practices. There are a few things that I have some problems with that I would like to examine.

Awareness.

Is good yes? We all need to be aware of what's going on around us. The problem lies when we are trying to be "aware" all the time. Particularly of that mindset that says being aware of the moment ALL OF THE TIME is some sort of desirable state. Really?

I have never met anyone who is "aware" all the time. I do know people who bring a lot of focus on whatever they are doing at the moment. And. That is the crux of the problem. Awareness contacts and expands depending on your focus of the moment. Period. Contraction is when you have a narrow focus,
(that would be me playing Gears of War 3 on Xbox or being absorbed in a really gripping book) and when it expands there is a general awareness that is non specific, so we expand in to the world around us.
And all the places in between those two places.

Take for example daydreaming and fantasy. They are both crucial needs when it comes to developing new ideas, inventing new devices or concepts, and art of any sort. We need to let go of the compressive universe for a moment and let the mind "play." Focus on fantasy.

What about when you sleep? You can sit in meditation and contemplation all day and just keep developing that awareness thing to perfection. Then when you fall asleep it all falls apart. The mind craves some down time the focus is on streaming images and thoughts.

So awareness, for me, is just the intensity and direction of our FOCUS, nothing else. We can direct our focus for periods of time. Meditation and Contemplative practices help us achieve this ability. There is no "solid state" place of awareness. It seems to me that a lot of so called spiritual teachers are wasting a lot of peoples time and money teaching them awareness. What they may be teaching is components of FOCUS.

Develop your ability to FOCUS both expanded and contracted. Let go of the fantasy of being in the moment all the time. Humans and I suspect animals are not built to do that. FOCUS is selective awareness. It will help you in your remission. Being in the moment all the time will probably drive you crazy. I know, I bought in to that for several years. Fortunately my insanity drove me sane.

Enlightenment

I became snarled again in a useless conversation about enlightenment yesterday. I think it's because I am so sick of hearing the opinions concerning this issue. You know the sort. Useless opinions about who is enlightened and who isn't, who claims it and who doesn't, lineage in the Buddhist tradition and all that crap. (People were arguing about Adyashanti and if he is enlightened or not.)

It's all pretty much bullshit. Entertaining bullshit perhaps. It's all about the person not the message.

Some teachers should come with a warning label, "May be hazardous to your wallet." They love to teach people about enlightenment and that elusive awareness described above. They charge ridiculous fees for "retreats and workshops" and in fact it has become a practice for some to offer "enlightenment" in a day long workshop. OK. Enough.

What the hell does enlightened mean? As far as I can tell it is some sort of license designed to allow an individual to build a big organization of people to play with and make lots of money and massage their egos, all at the same time. It appears that either someone declares that they have been enlightened or they had someone who evidently is somehow enlightened announce their enlightenment. I mean are you really going to trust someone in that mental condition? Can you prove enlightenment?

Tip. Don't waste time and effort on people who even hint at being enlightened. Beware of those titles like Master, his or her holiness, or the great Wizard or Witch of what ever. Costumes are in, mostly in shades of black or grey. They are all selling a spiritual version of "Snake oil." They will preach about the famous "Don't know mind" but will try to make you think they are special at the same time. They evidently have a "Do know" mind that the rest of us need. They will seduce you by convincing you that you live in a "dream state" and they can help you become "real." Dream state? What the hell are you talking about? Think about it. If I can convince you that you need to be rescued from where you are and I can do that, I can then make a pretty awesome living providing that rescue. I mean save your money and just stick a pin in your foot if you want some intense focus. ( I am not, I repeat not recommending this as a tool to acquire focus.)

Truth? We all have our moments of melding with the universe. Tiny little quantum jumps. Then we come back to taking care of business in the universe. At those times our focus expands in to what seems like eternity. Key: I have spoken to a few people about this and most agree that when they were children they experienced this state more than they do now. Why?

So.

Why is all this important to remission? Because we don't want to waste time and/or become frustrated and/or become re addicted to another system of thought driven by other people.

My encouragement would be for you to Meditate and Contemplate. Embrace your experience. Learn to use your ability to focus. No one can teach you how to focus, it's like breathing, it's just there.

Play. Let go within the focus.

I want to know what you think or, more specifically, what your experience has been.

In Loving Kindness.

Bryan

CHANGING THE PERSONALITY OF ADDICTION. FOOD, CHEMICAL, AND BEHAVIORAL, ADDICTONS.

Hey.

We hear a lot about "addictive personalities" and I have never really been too sure about the concept. I don't know anyone who isn't "addicted" to something. Period. Lots of people call their addiction a hobby and legitimize it via a label.

Look at television and the amount of time that is spent watching it. There are a lot of opinions concerning the outcome of watching television. Only the individual can make that decision, still we spend much of our precious time watching it.

I believe that one of the reasons that it is so difficult to make those changes that allow us to leave an addictive cycle is that addictions do develop a personality, emotionality, and psyche of their own. And, along with a personality of addiction comes a "survival instinct." So, we don't have an addictive personality, we have a PERSONALITY OF ADDICTION.

As an addiction progresses the personality of that addiction also grows and become stronger. In fact our "genuine" self slowly becomes enmeshed in the addicted personality. This may explain that when a person is in remission she/he will often see the person (personality) they were when addicted as a totally different person than they are now. They were their addiction.

The personality of addiction will fight to retain it's dominance. In fact the second the GENUINE SELF invests it's self in recovery the war begins. The reason it's difficult is because the personality of addiction knows the territory, can use the addiction itself, usually as a reward, and is very good at convincing us that it is the genuine personality.

It's not and never will be.

The addiction will "self talk" endlessly and make us believe that it is the genuine self. It will use this inner dialogue to weaken our commitment to a long term remission.

So the question becomes how do we tackle and resolve this issue? 

1. Be willing to invest the time. In order to make positive changes you will need to commit to an unknown amount of time. It may happen rapidly or it may take a substantial amount of time. No matter how much or how little time it takes you will need to commit to your remission. 

2. Everyday and I mean everyday take the time to start listening to the dialogue inside your head. For me this means meditation and contemplation. I sit for fifteen minutes a day quietly listening to "my" own thoughts. Initially my addictions struggled with this and tried to convince me that I was being foolish. The inner voices would tell me that I didn't have the time or patience to do this. In truth they were already starting to try to confuse my genuine self. I had lots of time for addictive behavior but no time to build a foundation to let them go.
(I have noticed that mornings are the best time for me, the thoughts are very loud when I just wake up.)

3. Use some type of media, I suggest more than journals or just writing, be creative, and keep track of what that inner dialogue is telling you. The reason I want you to do something different to track your thoughts is so the addiction will have to deal with something new. If you were using a journal you can be sure that the personality of addiction was writing it not the genuine you. You will hear the voice of the addiction saying a lot of negative and critical thoughts about the genuine you. None of them are true. You will probably even hear thoughts relating to you as you! If you think about it who would be calling you YOU? Hint, it's the voice of the personality of addiction.

4. Recognize the hole. In order to leave an addiction behind realize that this is going to leave a hole in our lives. If we try to maintain remission without filling the hole the addiction will return. Really spend some time contemplating this, I had some really big holes to fill and it took some time. (Still working on some of them.)

5. Recognize that addiction has a purpose. This is sometimes difficult to accept but, we like our addictions, often we love them more than our own lives. We are getting something out of them. Usually the addiction acts as a buffer against the environment and internal suffering. These are the reasons addiction can use itself against us. We don't want to be scared or suffering.
SO, we need to fill the hole, and that means using lots of different things including "healthy" behaviors that work in our favor. Sometimes this will feel like a sideways move into more addictions but lets face it, some addictions, say television, are a lot less harmful than say, heroin use.

6. Learn that, slips, relapse, return to addictions, always happen in our thinking before the action occurs. They usually happen when we are not filling the void that opens up in initial remission. We "think" our way back in to addictive behavior. I don't believe it is the genuine self doing that, it is simply the personality of addiction trying to regain control. This is why I suggest the silence and listening in the mornings. I cannot tell you how many times I "heard" my addictions move towards a relapse in the most subtle ways.

7. Keep looking for replacement behaviors. New activities, and I mean new, are simply tools to engage in the genuine self. Tools wear out and may become less effective depending on where you are in remission. So keep adding new tools. Network with others who are working with addiction. Keep an open mind. Don't take for granted that anyone had the key or knows what they are talking about (including me right now) just try stuff and see what works.

Repeat as needed. These steps will help you move away from any addictive behavior. If after reading this you start to hear thoughts as to why you can't do these steps listen carefully, is it you? Or. Is it the addiction talking to you?

Please leave feedback!! I love to hear what people think and perhaps do!

In LovingKindness,
Bryan

FAITH, BULIMIA, AND ADDICTIONS

Hey!

Lots of times on the bulimia websites and recovery sites the whole idea of faith, spirituality, religion, and how what we believe in affects our remission/recovery.

Sometimes I am asked what I "believe" in as far as my faith in a "higher power" and if that has helped me on my recovery. I usually take the time to explain to the person asking that yes I do believe in a power and it would be greater than me.

I further explain that having fought multiple addictions in my life I have no problem believing that there are greater forces than myself. You can call it whatever you want. There are so many names and in reality each name only represents a facet on the diamond of what is. What is is the diamond not the facets. It is easy to become confused.

Everything is as it is. There are no should be alternative universes, it's all just the way it is suppose to be, there is no other way in the moment. That to some extent is the manifestation of the power.

Can it change? Of course, and it does, all the time. Do we change? Sure, again all the time. So do we ask the higher power to change the universe in our favor? Well we can. I personally seriously doubt that the universe is going to change what is to influence any individual outcome. There doesn't appear to be any stacking of cards in our out of our favor.

So how do we change what is?

We don't. But, by acting in the moment we can influence what happens next. Especially within a certain locale. People, places, and things around us and the ripples go from there but progressively weaken the further from the act they go.

So whatever I do right now, will effect what happens next. 

My faith, in part, is a partnership with the universe. I act, it responds, it acts, I respond, neither I nor the universe are controlling outcome. Influence my outcome with my actions, yes. The universe is not going to influence my outcome with my actions.

Do you know what? I believe in miracles of sorts.  US. We are the miracles. We have everything. We are alive and the only one of us that is. Everyone of us is priceless by default. We experience what is second by second. We have senses that we can interact with the universe as is. And help us take the next action. We have choice within our environment and circumstances. ( don't forget our partner )

I have made the choice to not binge and purge. Nothing went in a straight line and I don't think the universe bent any rules to make that happen. I had to take positive action and make it work. I stopped using drugs and alcohol. I had to take actions to make those events work. And, continue to take actions to make sure they stayed in place.

I have a lot of faith.

In US.

In action.

In making choices in the now.

I will hold the next second as my future, I will take the actions that will provide the best future possible, I will listen when God and the universe sing their song of love and freedom and I will sing back freely and with as much love as I can, in harmony or discord, I will still sing.

Will you sing too?

Bryan