Response

I feel alone
In this.
Not being at all sure.
Scared.
Really scared.
But
I love you,
Bryan

Fear

Hi.

I wonder how much I really care.

About you.

Is it just a trade off?

Like if I care enough about you.

Then you will care about me?

I wonder how my life would be if I knew you just cared?

See.

I don't really "KNOW THAT."

My pain comes from wondering how much I care about you.

For no reason.

Nothing to gain.

I talk like I care.

I know I am supposed too.

I am scared to talk about this.

Because

All of a sudden.

I am not so sure.

About me.

And.

I have never been sure.

About you.

And I want to sign off  Love Bryan

But is that true?

Or is it a trade off?

I wonder

Hi,
I said goodbye yesterday to a friend who has decided that she can't stay here anymore.

She has MS and cancer.

Too much pain and suffering.

It was very sad.

Or.

Bittersweet.

This is hard to write about.

She has had the worst life of anyone I have ever known.

Stacked deck.

And yet.

She had so much love and caring.

I am bulimic.

I have choices.

But for what? go I?

So I am feeling alive today.

Thanks to her.

Died 6:53 this morning.

I will miss her.

Love

Bryan

Hi.
One day I was at a hospital with a friend who has stage four cancer. We were waiting on her appointment.
There was a woman sitting across from us.
She was beautiful.
I mean beautiful.
She was dying.
Soon.
Yet.
She made herself up.
Dressed really well.
Had a positive attitude.
She said that even though her cancer was not curable.
She would not give up.
She cared about herself.
I keep thinking about her.

Part two.
I don't have stage four cancer.
I can actually stop what's killing me.

Love, Bryan