Listening and Speaking in Recovery

A NEW OPPORTUNITY TO PRACTICE SPEAKING AND LISTENING

Hi.

     In Zen Buddhism we have a teaching called the Four Noble Truths. I know pretty humble right? Anyway the last section is called the Eightfold Path and it's intent is to give us tools for everyday living. Tools for everyday living was something in short supply when I finally stopped abusing drugs and alcohol. The Eightfold Path was designed for us to develop awareness about our everyday functioning. It points to using our senses and abilites to balance ourselves in our everyday life. And the most important thing of all it encourages us to become less Reactive and more Responsive.

     This was a really big deal to me when I first entered a recovery status. I mean I had spent my entire life being reactive and honestly I don't think I had a clue on how to respond any differently. Being reactive seemed like a survival mechanism that I was unable to live without. At the time of my last hospitalization I was simply running on reactions and conditioning. As I remember it my life was entirely ugly and without much meaning.

     Although I studied Zen on and off for decades I had never actually applied myself with any intent to use it any more than a philosophy.The only use I had of Zen was that  I could use it to impress myself. I had a lot of Zen type soundbites that I could use with others but none of it was in my heart. When I finally aquired some recovery and some perspective I started reading Allen Watts books again. This time I was able to use my emotional structure to complete the knowing that Zen was not about thinking it was about doing.

     One of the very first things I learned at 12 step meetings was the art of listening. At first I didn't want to go at all. Then once I got comfortable all I was focused on was whatever I was going to say. I would become "bored" listening to others and spend a lot of time listening to the internal complaints in my mind. I was studying Zen with a passion at the time and was processing the part of the Eightfold Path that dealt with Right Speech. The material also folded in listening as part of right speech. One night at 7PM at a church in Madison Heights, Michigan I found myself with a cup of coffee sitting at a table and waiting for the six people who came to this meeting to start. As the first person started talking I started to repeat everything they said in my head like an echo chamber. Hmm. A minute into what they were saying I realized that for the first time I could ever remember I was actually listening to them and not the voice in my head. I did this with the three people who spoke before me. When it came to me I realized I had nothing to say. So I told them I was just there to listen and that's exactly what I did. LISTEN.

     Actually repeating what we hear is not that difficult. In practice we are doing it anyway but not quite in this specific and attentive manner. The main benifit is that we are actually processing the words being spoken and focusing on the meaning. This cuts way down on the chatter of our "all knowing" ego centric conditioning and sets us up to actually communicate in a thoughtful way. We actually know to the best of our ability what has been said. Yes it takes a little getting used to but it's worth the effort. You will notice that you start RESPONDING to what is being said and less REACTIVE to what you think you are hearing.

     Consider this. Being in remission from substance abuse can be the best opportunity you have ever had in life. Why? Because if you decide to take the opportunity to do so you are going to clarify your life like no else could even consider. All you have in life is egocentric conditioning. Everything you have done is a direct result from conditioning. The chances are pretty high that instead of learning to respond you learned to react to whatever experience was in front of you. You never decided how your were going to speak or listen, you were trained in the art of speech and listening. Now you have the opportunity to take the tools you have and seek a new direction. You get to choose how you speak and listen. It's going to require some work and now that your in remission you can choose to begin.

     I believe in you.

I'm always happy to hear comments and concepts. If you think I can help please feel free to email. me. The email address is to the left. I really love helping people gain a remission status and will gladly share any resources I have. You can do this. I know you can.

Be safe.
Bryan S. Wagner

I don't want too! Recovery and willingness.

                                       RECOVERY

                                           AND 

                                   WILLINGNESS

                                                                 

Hi.

    Today I would like to talk a little about the idea of remaining abstinent and the idea of independence as they inter-relate to each other. A major topic I run into in the course of helping people enter the recovery stream is the overwhelming resistance to having anyone else in "control."

 

      I talked yesterday to a group of recovering people in a round table discussion concerning this issue. We all seemed to agree that thinking we are so independent that we won't accept help is an overwhelming problem for those entering the beginning stages of recovery. One of the women discussed that after being in recovery and remission for over five years she began to have some clarity that her avoidance of being helped or asking for help was a part of her personality long before she became addicted to heroin. It was a major feature of her attitude and behavior since childhood.

   

   A young man said that he had been committed three times for mental illness related to cocaine use but wouldn't think of entering a rehab. He felt like being in mental health based situation was acceptable but a rehab was full of those "addicts" and he didn't think he wanted to hang with them. His resistance to treatment was so strong it convinced him that only a very specific kind of help was acceptable. At the time he felt being emotionally ill was something acceptable. Addiction not so much. Lots of laughs about that one from a lot of people who knew exactly what that felt like.

   So today I am posing a couple of questions for us to consider.

  WHO IS IT MAKING DECISIONS ABOUT OUR RECOVERY? IS IT OUR GENUINE PERSONALITY? OR IS IT THE ADDICTION PROTECTING  ITSELF? 

   As weird as it sounds lots of times the entity making the decisions in our heads it the addiction attempting to keep our ego conditioning alive and well in the center of our lives. Ego can sound like its protecting us while at the same time reinforcing distance from others, strengthening itself, and a continued development of habit energy that will feed the addiction. This is not a simple issue to work with. It's one of the reasons it really helps to have a friend, counselor, twelve step friend, or family member who you can put some trust in. We do need help in dividing our genuine self from the addicted self. In the past my addicted self would readily lie to get what it perceived it needed. It would lie to anyone. What in the world made me think that it wouldn't lie to my genuine self?

   It's one of those painful lessons that come with recovery that is hard fought and not very apparent. How many times have any of us made decisions that at the time seemed to support our recovery and later on we found were the worst decision we could have made? For most of us more than a few times. It's a difficult position we find ourselves in.Who do we trust? Who can we rely on to give us information and perspective? I wish I had some direct answers to those questions. But I don't. The one thing I do know is that at the times I was an active addict most of my decisions were made around supporting the addiction itself. My trust of others was the same amount I had for myself. None.

   The times I readily went into inpatient treatment initially looked pretty impressive. I mean even to me at the time it seemed like I was serious about my recovery. I had convinced myself that I was indeed working in my best interest. I wasn't. Did I learn something inpatient? Yes. Every time and the experience and perspective helped me later. But still the initial attempts were made more in the light of wanting to continue my addictive behaviors and needing a time out more than anything. And in truth this seems like a part of a recovery cycle more than anything. I have heard this story from so many people in recovery. The endless area of "I'm not quite ready to quit yet."

   So I offer the following suggestions if you are unsure.

   We need to trust someone while we are figuring ourselves and our commitment out. So first of all do the work and find some people who tell you the truth. You probably will have some help from your ego because you are not going to like what you hear most of the time and that may be because it's the truth. At the same time find some people who you can be honest with most of the time. It won't do you any good to find people you trust only to lie to them all the time. Try what the people you trust have pointed out as possible directions. You don't have to do everything suggested but if you are at all serious at least try some of it. Check inside for signs of resistance. Sometimes it's an indicator that the addiction is fighting back by pretending to be protective.

   I hope some of this helps. It's really about not fooling ourselves anymore and thinking that somehow we can use the same mind that convinced us to be addicts to convince us to be abstinent. Time to seek some different perspective.

As always I love feedback and suggestions.

Be safe.

Bryan S.Wagner

    

Patience and The Art of Recovery

                                                                                             

Hey!

     I know that that it's so easy to want what you want right now. Every notice that? Ever notice how much that ties into the process of remission and recovery? How wanting is intrinsically tied to lapse and relapse? It's not just a matter of getting what I want, it's also a matter of not getting what I want. Either can result in lapse and relapse. 

     Actually it's a lot easier to want what you have. But I don't see many of us working on that one. We live in an age where deciding what you want and getting it has become the new way of life. It has become the new prime directive. 

     Having patience to me is the simple but not so simple process of choosing to not act on my thought structure or not being able to act on my thought structure and waiting without reacting.  I am more focused on the choosing to not act part because that's what drove so many of my addictions. Not doing something, of course, seems like the simplest thing in the world. Not doing. How hard could that be? Unfortunately I have, sigh, sustained a lot of damage by acting and reacting on my thoughts. A lot of times there was absolutely no thought structure that said "Perhaps you shouldn't do this." I had a thought and I reacted immediately. It comes under the old saying "If I had a nickle for every time I screwed up by acting immediately on my thoughts I'd have a million dollars!" (Or more.)

     Most of my addictions rely on me having no patience. Oh don't get me wrong. I have plenty of patience when it comes to waiting to fulfill any of my addictions. When I was using drugs I would wait for hours in order to obtain them. I would drive ridiculous distances in order to buy them. I had the patience of a saint as long as I could perceive a reward.

     But it doesn't work that way when I want to put a halt to my addictions because my addictions are the perceived reward. My default position says that if I don't "have" the focus of my addiction I will have nothing. My addiction logic says "Why would I try to be patient in order to have nothing?"

     Except it's a lie.

     Nothing about addiction is rewarding. It might be a lot of things but it's not a reward. And rarely actually improves the quality of life. A real reward is measured in things like feeling pretty good about ourselves from the overall perspective of living life. It comes with a sense of evolving in a direction of our choice not a default direction. Rewards are internal. I don't really absorb "rewards" from other people. Perhaps for a second or a bit longer. But then I never keep them because they fade. If I value rewards given to me by others I want more, and it turns into another addiction. That would be the well know "approval addiction" that our entire planet could do without. A real reward is one that you keep inside of you. It's yours.You "grow" it internally.

     You can measure you patience. When you have a thought that you don't want to react upon you can delay action and you can measure it. Do you give yourself credit if you delay an action and yet perhaps still act on it later? Do you just throw that earned patience away and feel you are starting over? You do yourself an injustice if you do and you are making change harder than it needs to be.

By practicing even a one minute delay you are developing your potential to delay longer. That's worth celebrating.

     Now humans don't like to think this way but if you were drinking heavily every day and finally narrowed it down to drinking once a day would you celebrate that as a success or feel you were "Still an alcoholic" and consider it a failure? Most people believe the latter. When actually that have set up a new default system and need to feel the internal reward of doing so. Do what you need to do to increase potential and celebrate it.

     Did you realize that a delay is a success? Or do you only see success as a total and complete change? The difference will be in how you treat yourself. Either as a success or a failure. It's crucial to see the difference.

    So next time you sit with a thought that is driving you to act on an addiction see if you can delay it by one minute.

     One minute by the clock.

     You may find at the end of one minute you don't want to act on the thought anymore. You may decide to wait another minute. And another one. And you may find that you will spend the rest of your life minute by minute being patient with yourself and celebrating life without the addiction.

     As always I look forward to comments and any feedback.

Sincerely,
Bryan S. Wagner

   

A New Default or 15 Minutes to a new you.

Hi

     Have you ever noticed how we live our lives in our heads? We exist almost entirely on ideas instead of acts. It's axiomatic that we feel by having thoughts, particularly "taking action" thoughts, that we have made some sort of significant progress towards accomplishments.

     Not true.

     Thinking and planning is not doing. It never will be. I am not saying that they don't have a lot of value. They set the artificial "map" of a possible territory. But that's really all that happens. Plus when you look closely you will see that having a "map" or "goal" does not prevent the flow of life from simply changing your chosen direction. Outcomes are never a surety. Change is the norm.

     My friend Carl told me that he had decided to do some work outside his house. It had been a couple of years since he did anything due to an injury that was now fully healed.  Now the time was ripe to get the yard and house in shape. He figured it would take several weekends and wanted to get started. So Carl sat at the kitchen table and drew out a picture of the yard and carefully labeled the areas he needed to work on and exactly what he needed to do. Then he made a list of the things he would need. Mulch, seed, some flowers, boarder bricks, and he took a walk through the garage and decided he needed a few tools.

     He was done for the day and congratulated himself on finally getting started.

     The next weekend he took some pictures of the house and decided he needed to brick the chimney,
paint the shutters, and blacktop the driveway. Again going to the garage to check his tools situation and make a list. He also went to a local mega store and wrote down some prices of materials and tools. He felt he was making some good progress at this point.

     The  next weekend he was unable to do any yard work because it rained really hard that weekend and he decided to let it go another week.

     The next weekend he had a trip planned with the family so nothing was accomplished.

     Hey! Finally the weather was good and he was going to be home on a weekend so he went to the store and bought materials brought them home and loaded them in the garage. Done for the day he really felt a sense of accomplishment.

     He wasn't "feeling well" the next weekend so he put the project off.

So at this point your probably asking yourself is Carl ever going to get this done? Well I really don't know. He hasn't started yet and as I write this June will be over soon.

     Carl was over the other day and was bitching because he hadn't accomplished anything in the yard or house. I said nothing but inside I understood how the whole event was playing out. Carl was doing a version of a pattern that a lot of us professional procrastinators use. This is what happened to me when I initially attended college and was given an assignment. First I would make "plans" to do an assignment that needed to be done. I would plan what night I was going to do it. Then I would make sure that I had everything I needed to accomplish the assignment. Then I would get my "work area" ready. All this would take up Friday and Saturday. By the time I finished screwing around on Sunday I would find myself up against the clock concerning the time. I would then feel anxious and most of the time very angry. At everything. I always managed to get the work done but hardly ever in a timely manner. Carl has his own version of this cycle.

     Most of us have been through this but it's worth looking at time to time. We need to ask ourselves "What am I doing?" Not the "thinking of doing or planning" doing but actually taking action on my thoughts type of doing. It seems that we have come to a place in time where we are starting to believe that thinking about something is doing something. It's not. I get lots of blank stares when I ask people "So what are you doing about that?" If you watch or listen to the news you run into a lot of reports on things that appear relatively out of your hands when it comes to doing anything about it. "Feeling bad" or "sad" about events shows you have some emotional connection. However it's not going to resolve anything.

     I suspect lots of people manage to feel better by feeling bad. That way they can assuage their feelings about the issue, relieve some feelings, show others how much they care (lots of people can't seem to wait to tell me how much they care about stuff) and at the same time do nothing.

     I read once that you can tell somethings a problem if it has a solution. If not you are worrying. I wasn't sure about that until I actually started using that statement as a baseline for my thinking. I have found it's true, the only difference is if you are trying to actively find an answer. Even then we usually need to become active in real life in order to find solutions. We have been learning to think for so long that we actually believe that all problems are going to be solved by thinking.

     Thinking, when necessary, is a good way to start. And almost all the time the solution is going to have an "action" involved in coming to a solution. So what we need to focus on is thinking to action. There needs to be an action part of any problem solving, not the one we see in our heads, but the actual "moving the body through space" type of doing.

     Carl had the right idea when he went to the store, it fell apart when he was unable to further his action. As you can see Carl is starting to eat up his time and like most summers they move forward at a relentless pace.

     Committing to action is fine. Do not fall into the trap of "mind actions." Saying that your committed to doing something might make you feel good but it's still not the act of doing. Talking will not get anything done and it uses up time.

     You have probably noticed that time is a precious commodity. Or maybe not. However you look at time I can assure you that it's the single and most valuable resource you have. Without time we have nothing.

      I think that spending 15 minutes a day taking action is sufficient to overcome inertia. Most of us have and can spend 15 minutes a day on things we find important. What I find is that 15 minutes will prove to me how much my intent is real. It's better to take a walk for 15 minutes than to take weeks planning out and researching an elaborate exercise program. You can always spend a little time refining and restructuring your action. But if we are unwilling to commit to 15 minute period than what are we doing?

     Why 15 minutes? No real reason. Like most periods of time it's pretty arbitrary and in itself doesn't matter. But I like it because it falls under the heading doable. If 15 seems to long try 10 or 5. You can add more time later if you want. The idea is to start setting up a new "default" system. It becomes stronger if you can use the same time of day or week as a regular time.

     I sincerely hope you find something you have been planning and try it for fifteen minutes. Do not worry about what anyone thinks or how long anyone else is doing anything. Just pick the thing you find important and give it and you the gift of time.

Addiction and the Hole Whole

 The Black Hole of Addiction!

Hey!

     I want to talk a little bit about replacement technique today. After years of working with people who were addicted to a variety of behaviors and substances it became increasingly clear that taking an addiction process and terminating it in ones life left an enormous "hole". I  noticed this as an important part of the recovery process. Most people who were unsuccessful did not, or were unable to, replace their addiction with something lasting or they considered themselves totally "cured" after initial stabilization and proceeded to move away from their vision of an abstinent life. As a result they did not maintain the kind of lifestyle that would support and ongoing recovery and lapsed.  

     The problem as I understand it was that removing an addiction would leave a huge Hole in our everyday life. It makes sense because taking something out of our lives creates a vacuum in our behavioral, emotional, cognitive, and spiritual  existence. Most of the time it's a vacuum in direct purportion to the severity of the addiction. Awareness of the hole and it's impact would drive people back into addiction if nothing was done to substitute what was missing. The hole would produce feelings of emptyness, loss, feelings of sadness and depression, confusion, anger, resentment, longing, and a firece need for "something' that was undefinable. All the things that an "addiction" seemed to solve. People can and would last a long time feeling the hole at different times. Sooner or later the hole would drag them back in and lapse or relapse would occur.

     Some "professionals" and supporters seem to think that doing something like "going to meetings" or developing a "hobby" are things that will "fill" the hole. To some degree they are right. Particulary when people attend meetings regularly and become active members of a support system. Plus it is helpful to be applying themselves to the work of the process of the twelve steps. Where the mistake is made is underestimating the intense experience of addiction and how totally numbing the effects addiction has on everyday life. Addiction is with us every single moment of every day. Our addiction insinuates itself into our lives in ways we don't ever see until the addiction is diminished or gone and even then the impact may not be discernable until years later. Then we start to notice the thousands of ways we "miss" the addiction. What we do, what we say, our thoughts, daily routines, and our life direction has been contaminated by our addiction. So the idea of using a single activity to fill the whole is good but usually is not enough unless we turn the replacement into another addiction. This does happen and many times becomes another ongoing addiction that attacks the quality of a persons life. 

     So what do we do?

1. Become aware that this is happening. Don't write off or ignore feelings and thoughts. Trying to ignore or drive through feelings and thoughts is akin to the behaviors that enabled our addiction to begin with.
2. Accept that we will need to make a lot of changes in our lives. Just about everything needs to be examined and then changed or replaced. Our relationships, activities, thinking, attitude, ego, what we like or dislike, finances, food, exercise, and spirituality all needs to be examined. Commitment to this is crucial. Abstinence comes with lots of hard work and commitment. 
3. Fear and Anxiety will be part of the process. We are taking on a huge life change here. If you are not feeling some anxiety and fear then it's probably not happening. We don't fill the hole in our hearts without some fear. We are leaving the "safety" of addiction and going out into new territories. 
4. Keep a journal or use a recording to track what's going on in your daily life. People sometimes ask what good is journaling or recording ourselves going to be? After all we can all remember whats happening with us everyday so what's the problem? Recording our responses to daily life cuts through one of addictions greatest strengths. DENIAL. Addiction Ego will selectively use the days events against you. It will blindside you if you are not practicing awareness. Writing or recording as close to the event as possible cuts back on "selective memory' and ego centric contamination. If you try this for a month you will be surprized at what you are able to see. 
5. Develop and grow an awareness practice. I really encourage people to do this. There are many paths and opportunities to start an "awareness" practice. Doing so will enrich your ability to see what is instead of wanting to see what we believe. Addiction "does a number" on our ability to see clearly and seeing clearly is what makes life valuable. What we are seeking in an awareness practice is to develop some clarity in our perception of life. 
6. Engage in this process of recovery with others. We need to take ourselves out of the vacuum that we have been living in. In order to accomplish this we need others who are aware of our needs and directions. This can be intimidating but seeking out others who can support us when we are making changes can be crucial to success. Can we make changes without others for support? Of course we can. But having the support can accelerate our evolution, keep us from falling during vulnerable moments, and we get to help others evolve in their own lives. Others presence offers us a valuable mirror, we can look at ourselves from some one else's perspective. If we see this clearly it can be a great tool. 

     We are not in essence "getting rid" of something in our lives by leaving an addiction behind. What we are doing is opening up "space" to grow. We open up space for new experiences and perspectives. 

     I welcome any input, ideas and suggestion. 

Sincerely,

Bryan S. Wagner

Awareness in Recovery

Awareness.
Awareness.

I remember leading a group discussion concerning this topic as a counselor in a rehab. It was interesting how people viewed the idea of awareness and past relapses. We focused on when in the cycle of recovery and addiction a relapse starts.

Almost everyone acknowledged that is starts long before the actual event. Much of it seemed to hinge on self talk. Those "voices" in our heads that hardly ever have anything positive to say or act in any support of what is good for us. So much negativity.

A woman I'll call Jane admitted that she had planned her relapse for months. Her S/O was going on a business trip and she realized that as soon as she heard the news she started to "plan' her relapse. Images of buying heroin and using it "in secret" filled her mind. Jane was seeing a counselor, attending a support group, saw her relationship as stable and had a good job. She was active in a church and had a few friends. Despite all of the possible support she made the decision to use. This decision, made months before, cost her a lot. But in the long run Jane's awareness of what happened has also enriched her life.

Jane started an awareness practice backed by a contemplative practice that I recommend. She started doing a journal and unlike before started sharing this journal with others in her support group. So in essence she had the fortitude to take an unfortunate event and evolve from it. No more lies to herself or letting her egocentric addiction make the rules of the game. It's interesting that at least a part of her, even after some recovery time, simply took a return to heroin as a "legitimate" thought structure and also convinced her true self that she could live with it.

Most relapses don't happen in a vacuum. Addicts will sometimes say a relapse "just happened" because of no special reason. Maybe. But I reject that. Relapse starts a long time before the event. It can be subtle and insinuate itself into our minds but more often it's an agreement we make with out egocentric conditioning to allow it to happen.

Egocentric conditioning loves to make us victims. It can't and we aren't unless we allow it.

• In conjunction with recovery start looking at recovery as a daily remission status. Every single day is going to be different. 
• Old solutions don't always apply to new problems. Keep developing. 
• Which means to evolve. Daily. 
• Don't lie and don't listen to the lies your conditioning tells you. 
• The very second you "hear" those relapse thoughts address them. Right now and right then. Drop everything and take a look at where your ego is hijacking you. 
• Get it out. Don't let the ideas consume you. Share, write, record them and look at them. 

Get used to looking at the internal egocentric thinking on a daily basis. Start a practice that allows you to have the time to look inside and not take thoughts for granted. You don't have to study Zen like I did but look at all the options and start to investigate an awareness model that works for you. 

I encourage and love feedback. If there is anything I can do to support you please allow me to do so.
Jane now has almost six months abstinent and reports she is doing it daily.
Sincerely
Bryan












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Addiction and the Eight Fold Path

  ADDICTION AND THE   EIGHT FOLD PATH                                                               

                                                                                                                                                   PHOTO BY SOCK PUPPET
                                                                                           

Hi

     For those of us who study Buddhism one of the first things we come in contact with are the Four Noble Truths. The semantics change and meanings are slightly different but they boil down to life is suffering, we suffer because of our ignorance, thinking, view, suffering can be experienced without pain, and we do so by following the Eight Fold Path.

    I think we all have a different ''wording" to these ideas but the concept is basically the same. In talking to some people who are addressing their addiction and evolving towards remission I became aware that the way the Eight Fold Path is classically presented presents an opportunity for resistance and internal manipulation. As most of us in remission know addicts become master manipulators and continue if given the resistance to work with.

     To be in remission means to change most of everything the ego has held as true. The Four Noble Truths speak to this and the Eight Fold Path suggests a platform for the process.

• Right View
• Right Thought
• Right Speech
• Right Conduct
• Right Livelihood
• Right Effort
• Right Mindfulness
• Right Meditation

     As you can see this may cause some difficulty in accepting primarily brought on by the word Right. Yes I know. This has been addressed lots of times and the word "right" doesn't mean right in the sense of right and wrong. At least we believe the word "correct" or a similar word should be substituted. Personally it all still feels like, "Well, if you want to be good and correct do this." Which if you think about it is somewhat true but I really think of it in terms of evolving. So it's more like evolution will occur when following this path. Evolution in the sense of change not in the sense that evolution is good or bad. I mean if your evolving you are the one who decides what to do with it.

     So the primary problem has always been with the word "right.' So the way I have been addressing the issue is to use the word "aware." So if we choose one of the paths, let's say Effort what we have is Aware Effort. We are no longer evaluating the process of effort. We are now simply seeing effort in awareness. Different but the same concept.

• Aware View
• Aware Thought
• Aware Speech 
• Aware Conduct
• Aware Livelihood 
• Aware Effort
• Aware Mindfulness
• Aware Meditation 

     The interesting thing is that if we are aware of our effort we are usually feeling like we are evolving instead of struggling. Instead of acting as the agent of the act we are allowing the act to grow by itself. If we are aware of our thoughts we become partners with them instead of trying to resist them or manipulate them. By the act of resting in awareness my speech becomes aligned with my internal principles. In effect we are no longer resisting on any levels but allowing ourselves to evolve into a process that speaks to our hearts. 

     Of course as a side benefit this all reminds me that what I practice is awareness. Plain and simple. The more aware I am the closer to my heart I become. 

     My encouragement would be to see how all this feels to you within your own practice. 

     A few people have asked about the video in production and there have been a few technical problems that will soon be solved. Thank you!

     As always I welcome any comment or input. I love to hear new perspectives and thoughts. 

Bryan 

The Hourglass and Meditation.

Hi.

     We are in the middle of starting to do video blogs and honestly I can't imagine learning more stuff than I ever thought I wanted to learn. But it's also pretty cool and fun.

     In the meantime some friends asked me to explain the "Hourglass" I use in meditation and remission classes so here it goes.

     Take an hourglass and some imagination and, at least in my case, it becomes my entire universe of time and the moment. I use a three tiered hourglass I recieved as a present several years ago. Any hourglass provides the framework for the concept.

     The sand at the top represents the time we have. We don't know how much time is left and cannot actually foretell the amount. We all have a different amount of time. So it's pretty much an unknown to us all.

     The sand in the bottom chamber is the time "passed." We have some idea of how much this is but again it's not real important to the here and now and what we do next.

     Most of us spend way too much time in the future and past. Oddly enough both of those areas are pretty much unknowns and at best pretty foggy and vague. The past because we, or should I say I, rarely remember what happened with any real accuracy. Much of what we "remember" from the past is edited to a large degree. Just sit in when families are talking about past events. Everyone has a slightly different story about what happened. We are all different in the process of how and what we remember.

     So now we address the area I fell in love with. The middle area where the time and our lives meets. In the entire universe and space-time the narrow point is where we are in this second. Does time pass us rr do we pass through time? Or do we move at the same moment? No idea myself. But I like the questions.

     People who are in remission are very concerned about the present and past. They do the best they can to live with memories of what they have done and hopes about what can happen in the future. My focus is on right now. Here's why.

     If I don't like my past I know for a fact that I can build a new past. I can build it right now this second. What I do right now is my new past. I can build it anyway I want in this second.

     The same idea applies to my future. Right now is my future. What I do is connected to what I am going to do next. So staying right here is a vital thing in my life.

     The entire universe is only happening this second. Anything that's going to change is going to change right now. Any influence you have will happen right now. What I think is the past are my thoughts right now. What I think is the future is simply my thoughts right now. After this second life becomes a "memory.' But in truth that's only a human concept. The future and past and now are all one thing. The same hourglass and the same never ending now.

     It is a simple concept and like most simple concepts are first response is "I know that." And we may know that. Concepts are fun. Here is the real thing. Can we live like this? Can we live in the moment and thus build a new future and past? I really think it's a powerful way to live.

     All comments, thoughts, and suggestions are always welcome!

     We are working on the video and hopefully we can upload on YouTube soon!

Bryan

Zen and Addiction. Why Meditate?

                          ZEN AND ADDICTION                              

Hi.

        Having studied addiction from inside out, meaning being addicted, going into remission, and working with people who suffer from addictions. And. My long term history of studying Zen I decided that the link between Zen and what people call recovery needs some exploring.

        In general people do recover by themselves. I know that there will be some interior feedback from those of you who have recovered via "systems" but the truth is that you recover from the inside out despite having anyone else in your life who supports you. I would concur that we all need that external support and encouragement to sustain our lives. It's just that no one, absolutely no one, can recover for you.

        As a counselor I would sometimes be praised when people would manage to stop using heroin, for example, and blame me for their recovery. No way. I had nothing to do with it. The truth is that they were ready. Synchronicity occurs and I was there. It could have been me or anyone else. If you check this out over time you will find that the "recovered" person will realize sooner or later that everything around the recovery was a result of them making the decision and commitment.

        So people ask me why practice Zen meditation?

        Because it is about you and you. Your remission that is. And you probably haven't spent a whole lot of time with your mind. So now you ask why should I do that? I mean here I am in my "recovery" and doing fine. Why mess it up?

        Well. You don't have too. No one is saying that. But if you really want to commit yourself to "knowing" you then I would encourage you to meditate.

        We all have what the mental health people refer to as the "unconscious mind.' It really isn't unconscious at all. It's relatively noisy for those of us who sit with it. I prefer to think of it as sub-conscious. Lurking just under the surface. If you sit, with a little discipline, you will start to recognize the amount of information that the subconscious is constantly feeding you. It 'talks" all the time. It directs you down paths that you might not take if you were aware of it. It's influence is awesome. The reason is that we rarely pay any attention to it. We just follow along.

        A prime reason why lots of people give up "meditation" is because the sub mind will tell them it's useless, annoying, they can't "do it", or they will try at some later date when they are "ready." That later date rarely comes.

        When we start meditating the sub mind will want you to quit immediately. If not sooner. Why?
It's been running the show for such a long time it will fight for it's survival. Once you know it's there and what it's doing you will have a hard time letting it run the show and/or ignoring it.

        What's this have to do with addiction? Everything. It's the thinking part that over rode what we knew all those years. At a certain point the rational mind is highly aware that what ever addiction is present is not in our best interests. Yet we continue to use.

        It's time to shine a light on the sub mind. Time to let the genuine you come forward.

        You may notice that much of what makes up you original mind is non-verbal. This can come as a slight shock at first. Much of what people are aiming for in meditation, or at least Zen meditation, is the ability to live in the pre-verbal state.

        Living in this per verbal state will pretty much anchor you in the moment. And, will definitely help you to stay free of addiction status.

Still working on a video blog. Perhaps next week we can address more concerning addiction and the pre verbal state.

Any and all comments or perspectives are welcome. 

Be kind and keep going.

Bryan







                                                                         

STARTING OUT. ZEN AND MEDITATION

PANDA ZEN

BEING WITH LIKE MINDED PEOPLE 

Hi.

        So you have made the decision to start to meditate! You have been meditating at home and studied on the Internet and done some sitting. You also see a need to be with a group or Sangha
as it's sometimes called.

        Good.

        The next step will be to look in your area and find out who is "sitting" within a distance that you can commit to driving once a week. There are lots of different kinds of sitting groups. And all sorts of different approaches. It really does get confusing, Just keep in mind that we meditate just to do it. We are seeking process not outcome. There may be some sort of outcome but it really doesn't matter.

        My encouragement is that you should "shop around" for a bit. See what the different "schools" of thought have that might attract you from where you are right now. Sometimes there are some really "charismatic" people who are the guiding teachers and can "attract" people through personality and presentation. That's good. Nothing wrong with that. Just keep in mind that it's not a personality thing but a spiritual thing. So my encouragement would be to look around.

        Find out the sitting hours.

        Go.

        Be anxious and nervous. We all are the first several times. It's OK. It will wear off and pretty soon you won't be in that anxiety anymore. Give it some time and effort.

        Showing up is the hardest part. Usually there is a component of the group that will focus on new people just coming to practice. This might include some beginning "classes" and some education on how to "sit."

        Remember that a lot of this will be opinion. Take what you can from where you are and then evolve.

        Study on your own. Never stop learning.

        Make a commitment to sit with the group and on your own. Sitting on my own has always been my primary focus. Groups are wonderful. Sitting on your own has it's own benefits. Like what to do when you find yourself without a group.

        Don't worry about how you are doing. It doesn't matter. Just sit. Don't compare yourself. If you grew up like I did you have a lot of internal criticism in you head. It's only purpose is to discourage you.

        If you find yourself sitting with a group for a while find a way to give back. It sorta solidifies that whole "I am part of something" feeling. And it's good for you to give. Me too.

        Be serious enough but don't be too serious. This is your choice. Something that you are doing to support you. There is no right or wrong way to sit. Don't let anyone convince you of that. Try everything.

        Find out for yourself. Try it and see. Keep what works right now and keep evolving.

        Give what you can. The only groups I sit with are on a "donation" basis. This is a personal decision. If you can afford to and have the desire to help finance a system then do so. Remember that you can learn awareness anywhere.

        There are people who feel that they need to do something and go somewhere "special" in order to focus on practice. Really? " If you can't find the truth where you are then why are you looking somewhere else?"

        So explore and have fun. Have the experience and remember it's all OK.

Thoughts and comments are welcome!!! If you are just starting in meditation let me know what your experience has been. 

Bryan

     

     

Time and the Buddha Clock

                                    Time!
 
                                                 

I have always found time fascinating.

And the idea that we are all given a certain amount. Perspective about time is really important. I have done some work with end stage cancer patients and they all became critically aware of time.

Do any of us live our lives in the knowing that we have a limited amount of time?

Do we wait too long before:

Taking that time for ourselves
Writing that book we wanted to write
Learning to play an instrument 
Telling someone we care for no other reason than we do
Making contact with that someone from the past we can't stop thinking about
Getting that pet 
Eating well
Exercising
Taking a class.
Going somewhere just for the heck of it.
Reading that one book we wanted to read.
Giving hugs.
Cleaning that room or the desk.
Writing a real letter to that person we always needed too.
Donating a few minutes a week somewhere to be of service.
Sitting in the sun.
Sitting under the moon.
Looking through a microscope.
Looking through a telescope.
Attending a play.
Hearing live music. 
Crying for no reason.
Laughing for the same.

And more.

We only have so much time. How are we using our time? Not how we spend it. It's not ours to spend.
It is ours to use.
Until we can't.

Take a minute today and think about your time.
Use some to enhance your life.
Every day.

Keep going for as long as you can.

Bryan

Spirituality and Being By Giving.

         
         THE SECRET OF GIVING TO GET.

        Once upon a time there was man who was miserable. He was lonely, sad, angry, and felt like the world wasn't doing what was "right" by him. He justified this position by saying that he was getting screwed by the universe and nothing ever went his way and he was unlucky.

        The man proceeded to "share" his misery with everyone he met, anger, loneliness, bitterness, and fear. No one much liked this man and that only added to his feelings of being lost and uncomfortable. The man went on with this miserable existence for years while trying to achieve some momentary ease by being opinionated about others and acquiring numerous possessions.

        One day the man was walking in the forest and grumbling to himself about his anger,frustration, miserable existence and bitterness.

        In the distance he became aware of a light coming towards him along the path in the woods.  As he come closer he could see a very strange sight and he stopped walking. The light was from a woman walking towards him talking to a wolf who was walking with her. He knew she must be very special perhaps a shaman or windtalker. She was surrounded by a soft light and had a small smile etched on her face. She was so serene, calm and at ease. She was everything he wanted to be and he knew she had everything he wanted. As she came even closer he started to feel more anger and bitterness which he aimed at the women and he felt his fear of the wolf.

       Soon they all  faced each other.

      "What the hell are you so happy about he challenged her?"
      No reply.
      "Do you think you're better than me? The mans rage started to peak.
      No reply
      The man couldn't control himself and proceeded to unload a lifetime of anger, shame, frustration,       and greed upon the woman.
      No reply.
      "Why you and not me? What makes you different?"
 
      Finally the man ceased screaming and started sobbing. After a minute he felt a hand upon his shoulder and the wolf leaning against his leg. Then he felt the embrace  against him and she whispered:
   
       "BECOME THE THING YOU SEEK THEN YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE IT."

The universe and time stopped. The ebb and flow of he man changed direction. Barriers fell.
     
When the world started again the woman and wolf were gone. The mans tears continued but               they had changed to tears of release.

The man spent the rest of his time giving to others the things he wanted to have. By giving he         automatically had what he wanted, the experience had always been there but he had spent so               much time waiting to get he forgot to give.
       .
        We spend a lot of our time focused on getting our needs met. There are not only a lot of different kinds of needs but as individuals we also make decisions what our needs are and we get to prioritize them.

        I would like to focus on a very specific area of need. Emotional needs and how we can use something that we have available to us everyday to meet these need.
That something would be us, I know it sounds really simple doesn't it?

 HOW IT WORKS FOR ME.

Here are some of the states that I am already sharing with others.

• Example: When we experience Anger we give a lot of anger to the world. We do it when ever things are not the way we want them to be.  

• Example: When we experience Sorrow and Sadness we project it and in fact rarely hold back on sharing our misery and sadness whenever we can. 

• Example: When I feel Loneliness and it's friend gossip I avoid others and feel detached. How many times have we "decided" that someone doesn't meet with our approval? We decide that somehow this person is irritating, confusing, to us they seem fill in the blank, and we don't really want much to do with them. This is the art of sowing loneliness and having opinions. 

        Notice that these are not things that we want to experience ourselves but we share freely of them to others. We like to think that these are all experiences that happen to us from the outside in as though coming at us from the world. We don't like to think that we generate anger, we don't like to believe that we generate greed, and we certainly don't want to believe that we generate sadness. 

        But we do.

        Our default model:

        Let's say you want to feel love.  We have been conditioned to act and behave like we need to find love, acquire love, make sure it's safe, and don't accidentally lose it along the way. Sound familiar? 

        Or we take a different and more familiar tact. We wait. We wait until the universe comes into alignment and love appears. The are a lot of problems with this theory. The biggest one being that we may wait until we die. Love may never appear. 

       So What do we do instead of grasping or waiting?

      IN ORDER TO EXPERIENCE BEING HAPPY ALL I NEED IS TO GIVE HAPPINESS                  AWAY.

       IN ORDER TO FEEL LOVE WE LOVE OTHERS AND IMMEDIATELY HAVE LOVE

      

       IN ORDER TO FEEL CONNECTED WE HAVE TO CONNECT.

     
       IN ORDER TO HAVE FRIENDS WE GIVE OUR FRIENDSHIP.

       IF WE WANT TO HAVE INTELLIGENCE WE GIVE  INTELLIGENCE..

       IF WE WANT COMPASSION WE ARE COMPASSIONATE. 

       IF WE WANT TO BE ENCOURAGED WE CAN GET THAT BY ENCOURAGING.

       Is there really a way to get any of this without the act of doing it?

       I already know that if I want to have anger all I have to do is be angry. Why do we miss how this works in all other areas? Is it because I would rather believe that anger is bad so that I couldn't possibly be the one who generates it?

        And something added for you.

        If you give it away what you will find is your experience of it will grow and the source will continue  to feed you. At times we act like we were given all things in small amounts that if we use it will  will never get it back.We attempt to gain it from others and hoard it. But by the act of giving it   away we posses more than we could ever imagine having. We will have more happiness, love,
encouragement and joy than we ever imagined, just by giving them away.

 
      Healing The Hole in my Heart

      I was waiting
      And it never came.
      Confused and empty I waited wanting.
      Nothing but time melting me quicker
      than I would ever know.
      Until I did.
   
      Pieces fell off.
      Wasting me
      Pretending .
      Until siting one day
      The Mobius self said
      My wanting was a vacuum of my own choosing.
      An endless sinkhole of fear and need.
   
      So I gave away.
      Not back.
      Not to receive in turn
      But away.
      Caring, Kindness, compassion, friendship,
      Smiles, and joy, and time and energy
      And
      THE HOLE STARTED TO MEND.   


WE HAVE MORE TO GIVE THAN WE EVER NEED. 
      
WE RE A CONDUIT FOR ALL THAT MATTERS
      
WHEN THE CONTAINER DISSOLVES
WE SEE
. 

     

Spiritual Burnout: Repair and Moving On.

Hello!

There comes a time in those seeking a spiritual "base" start to become what I can best describe as "stale" and without feelings of gain. This happens at different times during a persons seeking along the way. The standard is to lose faith in the teacher or guide. This really sucks because it can appear to undermine all your effort and comes with a sense of wanting to abandon the whole direction. My main suggestion is to make sure that anyone you are willing to have mentor your valuable self needs to at some point echo the Buddha's word and let you know that she or he wants what they teach to be challenged. Any guide, teacher, or head of a religion should welcome anyone who challenges the teachings. There are a few reasons that this can happen.

1. Loss of excitement and enthusiasm: Most of this know the feelings. In seeking a spiritual path we become enamoured and then enthused about a certain school, teaching, teacher, or method. This feeling of something new and exciting will often carry us for a while. Sooner or later this is going to wear off. Like any relationship we sooner or later start to see what we did not see before. A school starts to be compressive, a teaching does not seem to apply to our daily lives and struggle, a teacher may, who at first seemed all knowing, becomes shallow and self serving, or the method gives up it's glamour and becomes part of the norm. I am sure there are many other reasons but these few seem pretty predominant. Take a break. That might be all you need if it comes to being burned out. Get away for a while. Read and process something new in the area you are interested in. Lots of books and information about almost any path. Don't be afraid to explore.

2. Sometimes we become so focused on the outcome that we lose sight of the process. This, in part, comes as a result of "wanting to achieve" an end result. It no longer is about the slow, small, painful steps that are needed to make sure that we are acting with integrity and honesty. We just want to "achieve" enlightenment or the end reward or move up and on. It doesn't work that way. Anyone who offers you a quick and easy way to the spiritual path is selling you their ego and filling the bank account with your money. Outcome in spiritual growth has never been achieved and focus on outcome results in burnout. Take some time out and make some decisions about being in the process of the system. Look at objectives and goals that you have and ask yourself if they are realistic and doable. Accept that growth usually comes in bits and pieces.

3. The environment hinges entirely on the 'social" aspects. This can be subtle but has effected more people than you might think. Relationships with others is fine and can help build a positive group. As long as people don't gossip,cheat, tell lies, steal, insult, or demean each other. I have a few friends who have stopped attending due to social interactions that turned sour and they decided to leave. I think that the focus needs to be primarily on the teachings and helping others. When the environment becomes to social it's easy to have conflicts and become lost. A spiritual path can be fun and interesting in part due to the people we meet. The main focus however needs to remain on the path and what we learn from it. There is nothing wrong with enjoying people as long as you have your priorities set.

So we need to remain aware of how we are on this path. Lots of ups and downs and round about progress on any path of spiritual understanding.

If you think of other obstacles let me know.
Always glad to hear from you.

Bryan

Living in the future and spiritual practice.

Hi.

I once had a friend I was seeing in the hospital. She had cancer and was in stage four. I remember sitting with her while she was having chemo. We were relatively quiet and just sitting. As I remember I was reading at the time.

I felt her looking at me and looked up. She was looking directly at me and said " We will never know what happens next. We were never supposed to know what happens next." I could do nothing but agree. I could hear my mind trying to set up an argument and wanting to disagree. But I couldn't.

Why?

Because nothing I ever imagined in my mind about my future experience ever came true. Oh, it came pretty close a few times, but never ever was it totally accurate. Most of the time outcome was entirely different than plan.

When you think of it the entire universe is always changing. Never ending combinations and drifts. Plans are good for the moment but never survive contact with the future. Plans start to adapt and evolve along with everything else in the universe.

"Impermanence is the essence of everything"
Pema Chodren

Knowing this is a great worry breaker. No more worries about what might happen in the future. No more focus on what might go right or wrong. Only the focus on the now and what we need to do next.

A lot of people will take issue with this attitude. They will insist that they made plans and followed thought to success.

But memory is just that. Memory. It's a story about what happened. Not particularly accurate or on point.

So. We do what needs to be done to make our plans generate towards what we want to achieve. We don't stay attached to outcome. Outcome means nothing in the now. Process means everything in the now.

Comments and suggestions are welcome.

Bryan
                                                 

Spirituality and Ego

Hi.

        I had a long discussion concerning my blog concerning following others and this of course included teachers. I had some complaints here in Detroit from some of the "teachers" running organizations. A few seem to challenge the idea of someone "learning" spirituality on their own.
The major complaint seemed to be coming from two different areas.

        The first was the premise that if you are using your "ego" to examine and change your "ego" it's not going to happen. It was suggested that the only way to do this is to place yourself under a "master" who would then be able to help you examine and "be aware" of your ego. That's pretty interesting. I can see the argument and I reminded others that I never said to go it alone. I never suggested that we don't find mentors and people we admire in order to gain information and the tools we need to see ourselves.

        What I said was that be aware of any agendas and possible hidden motives that a lot of the so called "teachers" seem to have. Really ego? When I look into the spiritual world all I see are egos. Teachers who present that they somehow have come to a place that allows them to guide you are very helpful. They are not however ego less. They do not have "all" the answers. They are simply an ego leading an ego. It would pay to keep this in mind and not follow someone "blindly" because they sound like they know what they are talking about.

        How many spiritual paths were created by a human  not listening to other humans? I can think of a few. The three major religions on the planet. Did humans influence others? Yes. But remember the last words of the Buddha that reflect the need to seek and find your own salvation.

        The second area seems to revolve around the belief that people need to be told what to do and how to act or they won't be able to figure it out on their own. OK. I guess if you are the kind of person who needs to be told what to do then join in with someone who will offer you that. Just don't get confused with someone telling you that the need is to live up to the presented ideal. Do you see that teaching and preaching the ideal is different from being able to live that way?

        We are warriors seeking the spiritual path. It takes that kind of commitment and desire to stay true to changing our conditioning and living with projection. Don't ever let anyone fool you into thinking that they have somehow overcome these obstacles and can now "show you the way." This usually translates into money and power.

Keep going.

In Loving Kindness
Bryan

Doing no Harm. Spirituality and complexity.

Well

     Of course we all want to do not harm. Right? I mean none of us really wants to hurt anyone right?

     Or perhaps this isn't entirely true. Or not true at all.

     Recent I sat with a Zen group that spent some time processing the precepts. We spent a whole lot of time on "doing no harm." Not the first time I have spent time on this one. In general the group started out examining this precept and as time went on the discussion became increasingly complicated. And more complicated.

     Is this a simple precept or an increasingly complex subject?

     Do no harm. The closer you are to your own experience the easier this becomes. I mean after all you can pretty much decide if you are going to harm someone in the here and now. It's a matter of paying attention. It's that simple. We ask ourselves "what am I doing right now?" The minute we start to move out from the center of where we are the issue becomes more complicated by degrees. And. The more convoluted the concept becomes.

     There are some people on this planet who have every intention of doing harm. They are actively pursuing it right now as we speak. Watch the news. See how that goes? For a single person speaking to a group of people the concept is fairly easy. Do no harm. You look at the people in your sphere and do no harm. The people in the next city? Maybe not.

     Is doing no harm going to be a universal principle that we (planet earth) can live by? I'm not at all sure. The concept itself has been around for a really long time. Thousands of years. How's it going? Not so hot. Why?

     Well Greed. The ego is built by greed and in turn supports greed. Greed, or wanting, is the only
thing standing in the way of universal "do no harm" rule.

     Now if you think about it greed is a very universal principle. There is no where you can go where greed is not alive and well. Everyone seems to want more than they need. Because, well, they need more. Communication has done little to disperse the feeling for more. If anything it continues to exacerbate the problem with advertising.

     I really believe in small groups that, in general, we can expect to do no harm. I also believe that the more people, places, and things we add that greed inevitably raises it's ugly presence and conflict occurs.

     I think we need to adopt a more universal concept of how do no harm works. I think that without addressing the concepts of projection and conditioning that the best we can to is resolve the issue among very small groups of people.

I welcome any comments or input.

In Loving Kindness
Bryan

Spirituality, Cash, Teachers

Hey everyone.

     I wonder. Sometimes I just sit and wonder. Lots of people are out there making a living out of being "spiritual leaders."  And or "religious" leaders. Personally I don't have a problem with anyone who makes the choice to do that. After all we all need to make a living. If you have the makeup and means to go out and talk to people and can make a living at it why not?

     I read a lot of blogs and musings on the web and some of them seem dedicated to asking opinions about people who claim to have some special status or knowledge concerning spiritual "knowing." And I think that's OK too. I mean if you declare that you have some special spiritual knowledge or relationship with a deity then go ahead and have it. I mean none of the rest of us are ever going to know if you are telling the truth, delusional, or just lying. So go ahead. Having an opinion about someone who claims to be "special" but can't possibly prove it seems like a fools errand.

     What I do have a problem with is projection. Well maybe not the act since we all project meaning on to objects or people. I mean the projection that people place on these "knowing" persons who claim to have some sort of special status or knowing concerning spirituality. How would we know? Some people just have a knack for presentation and use that to deliver a message. Great!! And people can make a living doing so. Again Great! I do think that perhaps "enlightenment" or "conversations" with the gods may be selling yourself a little over the edge.

     Most people who claim to be enlightened do so by a default system. They wear the clothes, have the look, present as though, use a spiritual environment, and continuously "point" to enlightenment but never really just say "Hey guys guess what? I'm enlightened!!!" Why don't they to that? Because then some of us would say OK show me. Like the Buddha said, keep seeking and don't take anyone's word for anything. Prove what you believe in. If not then it's just a belief. Belief can be true or not but unfortunately in the spiritual world providing a belief system encourages people to part with their hard earned dollars.

     I don't believe in the messenger. They may be nice people and mean well. Or not. Or a combination of the two. But they are just humans and conditioned to failure just like you and me. No matter what the ideal they preach the bottom line is they are prone to the commonality that consumes humans. Perhaps we need to be careful not to get the message mixed up with the person?

     Words are very powerful. They can be twisted and used to confuse you and develop belief systems in processes that are not real. So pay attention to how someone uses words and language. Meaning can be delivered in ways that lead you down the path of person worship.

     If you make the decision to support a person or a system pay attention to what you are paying for. What are you buying? What are you supporting really? Is it a system that is giving back or are you just giving money to someone you are impressed with? Buyer beware. And remember that if you are spending money then you are buying goods. Just be aware that there are "snake oil" sales people all over the place.

     Seek your own path. Avoid support individual humans who claim special status. Examine what organizations are doing with funding. Honor yourself as a human who is a thinking being and can't be bought with promises or a good show.

In Loving Kindness
Bryan

Spirituality and Conditioning

Hi

     I came back this week from a Cheri Huber workshop. The title had something to do with "Having it all" although what I have experienced is that Cheri's main focus is conditioning and projection. This was a most excellent workshop and, as usual, I received a lot more than I gave.

     I wonder how my life would be if I hadn't come in contact with Cheri's material and view of how human interaction and behavior is influenced by our conditioning? I always had the feeling that there was "something wrong" but never really had a concrete way to express it until I read "There is Nothing Wrong With You." READ IT. The book will open new visions and ways to view the world and your place within it.

     We are so conditioned. We are conditioned to not notice our conditioning. If you are a person who follows a particular path it might be interesting to take a look at how you arrived at your path. What were your influences? Social and cultural. What were the psychological drives that actually pushed you to pursue your interest? Many times what we see is that we are simply moving along a predetermined path with no original interest of our own. Simply driven by family and peer action that could be positive or negative but none the less conditioned.

     The point is that we have been conditioned for thousands of years. In ways that we find very difficult to admit or attempt to change.

     So what is my point in this? The point is that if you are following a path that your were conditioned to follow how do validate it as genuine? If you take the time to remove both the conditioning and it's actions what's left? Ask yourself what would happen if I started without the influence of being conditioned? What path would I follow?

     Am I just following someone in a conditioned mode? Do I have even a single thought about my path that is mine alone?

     In fact if you are up to it find some books on Critical Thinking and start to take a look at how seriously conditioning affects your thoughts, behaviors, concepts, purchases, direction, prejudice, likes, dislikes, and who you affiliate with in your daily life. Start making an attempt to resolve the basic ones. Like the conditioning that keeps you trapped listening to critical thoughts in your own mind.

     Interesting Stuff.


WWW.cherihuber.com will be a good place to start with finding out more about Cheri.

"Critical Thinking" by Richard W. Paul and Linda Elder is an excellent book on the subject and will give you some insight into thinking about thinking.

In Loving Kindness
Bryan

Thinking and Spirituality.

Hey!

Does it not seem slightly odd that we were never really taught how to think? We went to school, learned a bunch of stuff we can't remember, who's data base is suspect, and taught by a lot of people who were not invested in teaching us how to think but worried about how much we could memorize and spew back. (My apologies to the teachers who really do care then and now. Lets face it you are in the minority no matter what everyone else says.)

Thinking and processing concepts are perhaps the most important things a human can do. They really put us in a different category than everything else on the planet.

So how do we think about how we think?

If you use "critical thinking" as a search engine on your computer or at the library and bookstore I think you will be surprised at the amount of information there is on the subject.

The very first thing you might encounter will be the importance of realizing how ignorant you are about thinking. It is unfortunately a painful but necessary part of the growing process. The next subject may be the necessity for us to become proactive and "practice" our critical thinking skills.

Everyday.

Until they become part of us.

Why? you may ask, I am already a "critical thinker."

If you consider yourself such, without any training, then ask yourself what key standards you use as a critical thinker? And perhaps more importantly do I have intellectual humility? Do I have an understanding of the limits of my own knowledge?

In spiritual growth the easiest thing in the world is simply to follow.

We follow the teacher, we follow what's written, we follow the examples that others project, we follow the teachings that have been handed down over days, weeks, months and years. Unfortunately most of this "following" is done mindlessly. We follow to be the "good" practitioner with little sense of using our own intellect to assess what we are told or taught.

Case in point.

An  "Eastern" path, one of the ones I follow, had been in existence for over 2600 years. There are different "schools", paths, teachers, forms, rules, and regulations. The truth is that 2600 years later nothing has significantly changed in the course of mankind. Most of the time effort and energy is spent in trying to "prove" different historical viewpoints or worse just following a set of rules that are suppose to lead to some attitudinal change and awareness. No one I know has ever achieved any of this including the "teachers" on the "path."

So why follow it? I love it. I don't have to believe in everything I am told. I love meditating. I love the work involved in tearing down my conditioning and seeing the points of reference others have from their perspective

Can you tell that some people will defend their journey without actually "seeing" what they are defending?

My encouragement is to think about your path in the most critical sense you can bring to it. Learn about critical thinking and how that applies to what you are attempting to accomplish in your journey. You don't have to challenge or justify your decisions to anyone but yourself. Avoid being caught up in the social pyramid of leaders, gurus, and spiritual authorities. You, out of everyone, know yourself.

And I think that's awesome!!!!

In Loving Kindness
Bryan

Blaming Others for my Behaviors

Hi
Glad to be here, glad to be anywhere at this juncture!

I have become aware of something lately. That being that there is never one single explanation for why anything occurs.The reason I have noticed this is because the many one reason explanations I have been getting doing interviews on remission and drug use. Doing some of the transcripts from recordings I noticed that most people have a single "reason" why they choose to use drugs and alcohol. The other thing is that  it always seems to involve other people.

Now I have no real belief in "blaming" anyone for my actions. I am highly aware of how much conditioning embeds its self in my reactions to any input. I also am aware that my ego has an issue with taking responsibilty for my reactions. It simply doesn't want the responisbility for taking actions that may not be in my best interest.

So my ego, for a long time, blamed my drug and alcohol use on my parents, my lack of self esteem, my lack of friendships, my sexual abuse issues, my sister, and a variety of other components of growing up and existing in society.

All of this sounded pretty good. I wasted years in therapy using these so called issues one at a time. Never really realizing that the reality was that I had no one to blame but myself. It felt good blaming others and other things on my continued use. But really, would those dynamice really keep me going for decades using drugs and alcohol? The answer is no.

So how do we cut this cycle short?

My question to myself is simple. Is what I am saying real? Or is it just a fantasy? Now to be precise I was abused sexually as a child. And I am sure that it had some effects on me as I grew up. But lets be honest. My abuse issues had nothing to do with me using drugs to numb myself for decades. And in fact using the abuse as an excuse did nothing but keep it going and definately placed any resolution on the back burner.

Reality says that there are lots of people out there who have not abused drugs and alcohol. They come from some pretty devestaing places, cultures and societies. Yet they never made the choice to abuse drugs and alcohol to help "bury" the feelings.

I am curious about this issue and would love to hear from anyone who has had experience in this same arena.

In Loving Kindness
Bryan